Yuffie plus Materia equals DISASTER
by shebaismydog
Summary: The FFVII gang are up to their old tricks, Several recent bombings around Gaia have turned the planet into a war zone, will the WRO triumph against this "New World Order"? or will Sham's evil plan succeed? . Yufftine Cloti Cidra Others listed insi
1. Chapter 1

Ok then, this is my first attempt at a FF Fic, please review on it about improvements etc.

I also don't own Final Fantasy VII, regardless of how much it hurts to say it.

A full list of pairings:

Yuffie-Vincent

Cid-Shera

Cloud-Tifa

Barret-Myrna (His wife who died in corral)

Cait Sith-Vending Machine (??)

Chapter 1: The amazing art of ignoring Ninjas Main Characters: Vincent, Yuffie, Cid,

"Vince, do you mind if I call you that?"

"..."

"Please?"

"..."

"Pwetty Pwease?"

"... Yes"

"You don't YAY!"

"Yes I do mind"

The boat rumbled over the river on the wild goose chase Reeve had sent them on; Yuffie hadn't really listened to the briefing.

"Hey Vinnie, what're we doing?" She enquired, trying not to look too stupid

"... Didn't you listen to Reeve?" he answered

"Ummm... Yes..." she replied, twirling a lock of her brown hair between her fingers.

"... What point did you give up listening?" He said

"Why I never! To insinuate such a thing! Vincent Valentine you ju-"Yuffie began, but stopped as Vincent clamped a hand on her mouth, sealing it shut.

"We are going to investigate a submarine that was launched from Midgar before the Meteor incident; it crashed into the northern continent."

Yuffie mouthed speechlessly

"Y-You can say more than four words at one time!?" Yuffie screamed

"..." Vincent replied

"So, a crashed submarine, eh? Sounds fun!" Yuffie said, jumping on the spot and doing a cartwheel along the side of the ship, Vincent was too busy paying attention to a letter which he always seemed to be carrying in one of his pockets; Yuffie had once earned a week of Vincent ignoring her when she tried to steal it from him.

"Shouldn't you be succumbing to Motion Sickness by now?" Vincent enquired

"Urk... don't remind me, the second I start thinking about i-"her words were cut off as she dashed for the side of the ship, gagging as she ran and vomited over the railings. They arrived at the new port of Bone Village, although the name was hardly fitting now, as it had grown to be about half the size of Midgar used to be. When they got off, Vincent carrying Yuffie as she had passed out through dehydration (Motion Sickness leaves little time for drinking), they booked a room in one of the new hotels that had sprung up in the area, and went to the room.

Itscidtimeyay!

Cid Highwind, designer and pilot of The Highwind, and the new Highwind Mk. 2 took a break from editing the new Shera airship he was making, drinking a thermos of tea, and routinely cussing about the "Inertial dampers being set to low for the polydrolic compensators to work" and a number of other things, including Shera's stubbornness about him spending too much time with his new airship, "IT'S SOMETHING FOR ME TO DO!" he had yelled, (Or words to that effect, there was definitely more cussing involved), before storming out. That had been three weeks ago, and now he was staying in his new bedroom in the Highwind II and dividing his time between building the Shera, and modifying the Highwind II.

"CI-ID!" a voice cried out, making him leap out of his chair, and smash his head on an engine turbine

"S&T!" He yelled, rubbing the bruise on his head, and wondering who had called him. He turned around, and saw Tifa proceeding up the drive, he also noticed that the stupid whiney pain-in-the as he liked to call him, or Cloud to the rest, had stayed behind

"Guess what day it is today Cid?" Tifa enquired, panting slightly from the long walk.

"Tuesday?" he guessed, confused as to all the attraction

"No silly! It's February the 22nd!" Tifa said, as she reached behind her to get a bag from the numerous ones strapped to her back.

"Yeah? So?" Cid said, wondering why this day was so special.

"IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!" Tifa yelled at him, by now Cloud had come up and handed Tifa the rest of her bags.

"I can't help anyone, I'm a failure" Cloud moaned,

"What the F£s his problem!?" Cid shouted pointing at Cloud.

"He's gone in for the whole I-can't-help-anyone scene, so that's all he seems to say" Tifa responded, patting Cloud on the back.

"Why don't ya try saying annoying catchphrases until he gets angry rather than sad?" Cid said, lighting up a cigarette.

"Like what?" Tifa asked, looking at Cid enquiringly.

"Like, I dunno "Silly little you"? Or perhaps "Dilly-Dally Shilly-Shally"?" Cid said, thinking of others.

"Dilly-Dally Shilly-Shally" Tifa repeated under her breath.

"Thanks Cid!" she said before kissing him on the cheek and going to see how Shera was doing.

"What the F(£ have I unleashed!?" Cid pondered aloud, as he walked to the house where he lived. As he opened the door he got an unusual aroma of... pinkness.

"Shera?" He said, waiting for a reply

"Yes Honey-bunny?" Shera said, carrying in a tray of teacups

"WHAT THE F(£& HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HOUSE!?"


	2. Chapter 2: CaitSith's true love

Chapter 2 is up! Nah, I'm just kidding, your imagining reading this, please review on it about improvements etc.

I also don't own Final Fantasy VII, regardless of how much it hurts to say it.

A full list of pairings:

Yuffie-Vincent

Cid-Shera

Cloud-Tifa

Barret-Myrna (His wife who died in corral)

Reno-Whatever hot chick he can lay his hands on (And some he can't)

Cait Sith-Vending Machine (??)

Chapter 2: Cait-Sith's true love Main Characters: Yuffie, Vincent, Cid, Tifa, Shera, Cait Sith.

Itsyuffentinetime (Yuffie's Point-of-View)

Yuffie walked through the streets of Bone Village, taking in the sites, wondering where Vincent was, talking to people, wondering where Vincent was, stealing Materia and wondering where Vincent was. _Dear Leviathan! I just listed him three times! Why on earth is he on my mind so much? I mean, that whole saving me from falling off the boat thing was cool, but he and I are complete opposites! Dear Leviathan, why am I thinking of him so much?_

Itsyuffentinetime (Regular point of view)

Yuffie was walking down the road, singing a nursery rhyme her mother had taught her as a child.

"Oh Materia,

Lovely Materia

My Materia

All mine mine mine!

Sweet Materia

Beautiful Materia

Gorgeous Materia

All mine mine mine!" and the next fifty two verses did not get any better. Her mother had laughed when Yuffie had taken her first Materia from a bystander in the street, and kept it.

Yuffie strolled to the port where they would be strolling off later, quite literally, and the murky depths wherein the Submarine lay. Yuffie shuddered at the thought of how cold it might be and how hot Vincent is. Quite how she jumped from the water to Vincent we will possibly never know.

_**I don't know why you don't take her now, Turk!**_

_Shut up Chaos, I don't need you to tell me what to do._

_**Yeah right face it; you'd be lost without me.**_

_No, I'd be great_

_**Yeah right. Hey, look at her legs, I mean WHOA!**_

_Shut up Chaos._

_**Awww... can't an evil demon have a bit of fun?**_

_No._

_**Ohhhhh...**_

All of this went through Vincent's head as he walked down from the town, watching Yuffie as he walked

_Although, you're right about her legs._

_**Damn right I am!!**_

_...Chaos?_

_**Yeah?**_

_Shut up._

And it was at this moment, as Vincent walked down to the steps, that the first explosion was heard.

Someone screamed, others ran, Vincent drew his Quicksilver, having left the 'penalty on his bed, and turned around in time to see teeth. And more teeth...

Itscidtimeyay

"SHERA!!" Cid yelled, looking at the new furnishings for his house, if he could choose one word to describe them it would be: Pink.

"Yes Ciddy?" Shera said as she handed the teapot around to everyone.

"WHAT HAVE YOU F("& DONE TO MY HOUSE!" Cid shouted,

"Now, Now, Now, put a Gil in the swear jar." Shera chided as she shook said jar that lay on the table.

"A F(£"£ SWEAR JAR! WHAT THE F(S THAT!" Cid yelled at the woman, who merely smiled in return.

"You put money in it when you swear, sweetie" Shera said

"Tifa gave me the idea, well, she has an Emo-Jar for Cloud when he goes depressing, so I thought it would work for your swearing" She continued joyfully, obviously enjoying the look of disgust on Cid's face.

Cid turned to face Tifa, who was still whispering "Dilly-Dally Shilly-Shally" under her breath; she gave him a small wave before continuing the mantra.

"S" Cid said, although he knew he was defeated. He glumly put in the Gil and began walking away

"Cait-Sith wanted to come too, but he had to stay with his new girlfriend." Tifa stated, as she drank a sip of her tea

"That F& TOY CAT HAS A GIRLFRIEND!" Cid yelled, which he seemed to be doing a lot lately.

"Well, she's the vending machine in my pub." Tifa smiled.

And then the rocket launch pad blew up.

Caitsithisstillhere

"Oh my one true love, please stop teasing me!" Cait yelled grinning with delight over the table in the fancy restaurant he had booked, looking at the Vending Machine, which promptly said:

"Please insert three Gil for a drink of your choice"

"Oh my dear, there'll be time for kinky stuff like that later" Cait giggled, stroking his whiskers.

"Please insert three Gil for a drink of your choice"

It was about this time that the Seventh Heaven blew up.


	3. Chapter 3: Random explosions equal BAD

Stand by for CHAPTER 3!!, please review on it about improvements etc. Short Chapter.

Hmmm... Nope, still don't own Final Fantasy, but I DO own the vending machine in Tifa's Bar MWAHAHA!

A full list of pairings:

Yuffie-Vincent

Cid-Shera

Cloud-Tifa

Barret-Myrna (His wife who died in corral)

Reno-Whatever hot chick he can lay his hands on (And some he can't)

Elena-Tseng (Gradual, starts with Elena having a crush, builds up later.)

Cait Sith-Vending Machine (??)

Chapter 3: Random Explosions equal Bad News Main Characters: Reno, Rude, Elena, Cait-Sith

Thethreeturk-es

"Yo, 'Lena, look at the news!" Reno yelled from the kitchen, as Tseng was looking after Rufus in the hospital, the three turks had a lot of Holiday time coming up.

"What?" Elena yelled from the kitchen, where she had been hunting for some healthy snacks, and had so far found half an apple, and a mouldy apricot.

"Yeesh Reno, how can you live in this dump?" Elena muttered to herself, her house had burnt down, so she had to stay with one of the others, and, well, Rude's house was really just a bedroom, Tseng lived in the Secret Hospital Room which they were not allowed to know about, so that just left Reno, her least favourite person in the world. She had tried to sleep in the sewers, but was forced out by the creatures who lived there. So now, Elena had to content herself with staying with Reno, and avoiding all of his innuendos, (All though he could probably find an innuendo in innuendo)

"It's easy, ya just come in, move the stuff around your bed, and fall asleep. Here's your dinner" Reno said, as he chewed on a half-mouldy pizza slice and simultaneously threw Elena a piece.

"Ummm... when did you last have Pizza?" Elena asked, looking at the slice in her hand, if she didn't know better, she'd say the cheese had just moved, Closing her eyes, she took a bite of it.

"'bout six months ago" Reno said, ripping another piece off with his teeth and swallowing it.

"Urrrgggghh..." Elena paled, dropped the slice, and ran to the bathroom.

"Some kids can't hold down their half-year old pizza" Reno chuckled, before finishing his slice and looking at the news

"Wh' did you wan'?" Elena said as she reentered, clutching her stomach and speaking little incase she needed to run back to the bathroom again.

"Isn't that your friend from Wutai?" Reno enquired, pointing at a figure on the paused news channel, who was running away from an explosion.

"'es an' she's not my frien'" Elena said, recognizing the figure running as the "Perfect little Princess" who worked with AVALANCHE.

"'ress pl'y" she said, settling down in the chair on the opposite side of the room, and watching the screen.

"Three simultaneous explosions racked the calm the world has been in for the past three months, since the destruction of Shin-Ra by AVALANCHE. We now go live to our reporter on the scene, in case you've forgotten what an explosion looks like, Tom?"

"Thanks Jane, what we have here is an explosion, nobody knows what happened next or why, it is suspected that it was by pro-Shin-Ra terrorists, back to you Jane"

"Thanks Tom for that unnecessary report which spent a lot of money from the TV License to do. Now to our next piece of news; a town of people have said that they have lost their children, we now go live to our reporter from Gongaga, Jim?"

"I'm at the wrong town!"

"Thanks Jim. Now for..." _the news continued to drone on, a million happenings and none of them had anything to do with what happened to Sharlene, my precious Sharlene, none of them any relevance to me._

"Who the F& are you?"

_I'm your Internal Narrator, Reno, I speak in a deep voice to relay events in case you've forgotten them already._

"Oh, ok then, who the F&s SHARLENE!"

_Oh, right, you haven't met her yet._

"Oh, now bye"

_But-_

"I SAID BYE!!" Reno yelled, causing Elena to recoil into her chair.

Nocaitsithhasnotbeenforgotten

"B-Baby?" Cait Sith crawled along the wreckage to where the vending machine lay, covered in Burn Marks

"Pl-Pl-Pl-Pleas insert three Gil f-f-for a drink of your choiiiiiiiiiccccceeeeeee" it said, the lights dying out.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE!" Cait screamed, crying as he pounded the shards of the table.

"Why, why, _Why!" _he sobbed, leaning on the destroyed machine, eventually falling, sobbing, to the ground...

And now for an Author's note

Poor Cait-Sith.


	4. Chapter 4: Ode to a Vending Machine

And now for a sad funeral..., starring Cait Sith! please review on it about improvements etc. Very short chapter, just to give some more affectionate feelings and depth to Cait Sith, as few people portray him as more than just a bumbling idiot of a character

Hmmm... Nope, still don't own Final Fantasy, but I DO own the vending machine in Tifa's Bar MWAHAHA!

A full list of pairings:

Yuffie-Vincent

Cid-Shera

Cloud-Tifa

Barret-Myrna (His wife who died in corral)

Reno-Whatever hot chick he can lay his hands on (And some he can't)

Elena-Tseng (Gradual, starts with Elena having a crush, builds up later.)

Cait Sith-Vending Machine (??)

Chapter 4: My one, true love. Main Characters: Cait-Sith, Red XIII,

Cait cried as the private ceremony went on, he had invited mog and Red, asking the latter if the Vending Machine could be buried in Cosmo Canyon because "it was her favourite place" Red rolled his eyes at that one, but he cared for his friend's feelings, so he allowed the Vending Machine to be buried there.

"Cait, would you like to say a few words?" Red said, nuzzling Cait in a very dog-like way.

"O-Ok." Cait replied, wiping away tears with his handkerchief,

"Vendy, I loved you, you were the only girl for me, I just wish you and I could have had more time with eachother... I remember the last thing I said to you... If only I'd have agreed, you and I would have been safe, but it's too late now... I loved you, Vendy" Cait lapsed into silence, crying softly as the dirt fell over the large coffin...


	5. Chapter 5: Neither for love, nor money

Finally, some ACTION! please review on it about improvements etc.

Let me put it this way, if I owned Final Fantasy, I'd be publishing this story!

A full list of pairings:

Yuffie-Vincent

Cid-Shera

Cloud-Tifa

Barret-Myrna (His wife who died in corral)

Reno-Whatever hot chick he can lay his hands on (And some he can't)

Elena-Tseng (Gradual, starts with Elena having a crush, builds up later.)

(Cait is still in love with the now deceased vending machine, much like Aeris and Cloud in AC(No, not Air Conditioning, Advent Children)) (Quite a short chapter all-in-all)

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Chapter 5: Neither for love, nor money Main Characters: Vincent, Chaos, Lord Sham'raaa

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Vincent ran down the steps, Yuffie had only been down the harbour a few moments ago, but then the explosion came, Suddenley Vincent turned and saw a creature leaping at him, he blasted it with the Quicksilver, and made a descision

_Yuffie can look after herself, _he thought _I need to get the Death Penalty _and so he ran towards the onslaught of creatures, blowing them up with his Handgun as he ran, he stopped by a small inn and jumped into it, grabbing everything in its potion and Pheonix Down stash before continuing his rush to their room in the hotel, it only seemed a few minutes ago that he had said to Yuffie that he'd meet her by the docks, and she had complained about Cloud not letting them use his precious submarine to get to the crashed sub.

_**She's gone now**_ Chaos cackled inside his head, Vincent ducked to avoid being hit by a piece of falling timber and blew a hole in one of the oncoming creatures.

_**Just another in the line of women you've failed to save**_ Vincent dove around a corner, casting a fire spell at whatever creature was hiding down there.

_**Face it, you'll never find true love, every time you think you have it's taken away**_ Vincent dove around to see a Helicopter, with a man getting in, he recognized the figure as Sham'raaa, a fellow Turk who had worked with him, last Vincent had heard, Sham'raaa had a fatal dose of Mako-Poisoning

_**How long will you repent for this one, Valentine?**_ Vincent wondered what he was doing, but then it struck him that if Sham'raaa was involved in anything, he'd be the leader

_**A day, a month, a year? **_ Sham'raaa looked over his shoulder, and blew the head off a passing citizen with his .53 caliber Mako-Powered revolver.

_**She was just another you failed to save, what will the others think?**_ Sham'raaa laughed as the citizen's corpse crumpled to the ground, turned it over and shot the child she was holding

_**They'll look down on you, that's what they'll do, you failed Vincent Valentine **_ Vincent fired a shot from the Quicksilver at Sham'raaa who turned and saw who it was bearing down on him, he looked temporarily shocked, but quickly returned to his normal cool temperament

"Well, Well, Well, Vincent Valentine" Sham'raaa said, stroking his revolver

(For future reference, have you seen the Dirty Harry movies? It looks like Callahan's revolver, the one from the, "Do you feel lucky, Punk?" scene.)

"So good to see you again" Sham'raaa laughed he turned to look Vincent full in the face...

_**That's your future, Valentine**_ Sham'raa's face was half melted, metal and wiring where flesh and bone should be.

"I still bear the scars from our last, ah-ha, meeting" Sham'raaa said, stroking the mechanical side of his face.

_**Vincent Valentine**_ Sham'raaa drew his revolver to Vincent's head and squeezed the trigger

_**You Are A Failure**_...

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Author's note

Kind of a cliffhanger there, sorry about that, please Review, thanks.


	6. Chapter 6: Time for a FlashBack!

Ok, a story-filling chapter. please review on it about improvements etc.

Let me put it this way, if I owned Final Fantasy, I'd be publishing this story!

A full list of pairings:

Yuffie-Vincent

Cid-Shera

Cloud-Tifa

Barret-Myrna (His wife who died in corral)

Reno-Whatever hot chick he can lay his hands on (And some he can't)

Elena-Tseng (Gradual, starts with Elena having a crush, builds up later.)

(Cait is still in love with the now deceased vending machine, much like Aeris and Cloud in AC(No, not Air Conditioning, Advent Children))

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Chapter 6: Yes, it's a flashback, but it involves Vincent, so it must be good, mustn't it? Main Characters: Vincent, Sham'raaa, Yuffie.

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Vincent smiled as Sham'raaa pulled the trigger, the simulation ended.

"Nice one Sham, you're getting better at these." Vincent chuckled to the new recruit, picking up the Suit Jacket that he had left lying on the floor.

"Yeah, you almost had me there, though." Sham'raaa said thoughtfully

"If it hadn't been for that well-timed MP Arrival, I think you would've won." Sham'raaa said remembering the scenario that they had just played in the combat simulator. Vincent grinned to himself, and then looked at Sham.

"So, what scenario was that?" Vincent asked

"Vincent! Please hold on!"

"What?" Vincent said

"I didn't respond, it was the Invasion of Midgar by Wutai" Sham'raaa said, Vincent was still puzzled as to where the voice had come from, but he didn't mind.

"So, who was the girl supposed to be?" Vincent asked, remembering the young scantily-clad girl who had been waiting by the docks-Wait, Midgar didn't have docks...

"Vincent hang in there, please? Come on, you can do it! Stay with me!"

"Dunno, just some random simulation chick I guess" Sham said, realizing that Vincent was still talking about the simulation.

"Ah. She wasn't wearing very much, was she? I mean, nobody her age wears that little, or, for that matter, shorts." Vincent said, thinking about the current popular choice in dress for the young ladies, currently, big dresses with flower patterns on were in fashion, he'd seen one of the Female "Labbies" as Sham called them, called Lucrecia wearing one like it, and he had gone into a daze.

"Don't leave me, Vinnie!"

"I'm not going to leave you." Vincent said.

"What!?" Sham said startled.

"I thought you said something, you ARE the only person I allow to call me Vinnie." Vincent said, puzzled about the voice he had heard.

"Hey, what'dya say we go and pick up some hot chicks from New Kalm?" Sham said, thinking of the amount of bars that lay there

"I thought President Seymour named it "Sector 2"?" Vincent said, taking a sip from his hip flask. _Since when did I have a hip-flask? _

"Chyeah, like that'll ever stick. C'mon Vinnie-boy all those cute girls out there are dyin' for some lovin' and we're the ones to give it to 'em." Sham said, usual self-confidience shining through, he might be less intelligent then Vincent, but he could charm the ladies far more effectively.

"Vincent! Wake up! Please! Wake up!"

_**Time to wake up now, wasn't this dream fun??**_

The world was wrong, Vincent realised, Sham would be bragging about a victory by now.

Sham wouldn't have one in the first place, Vincent was far better

"VINCENT! WAKE UP! OR I'LL-I'LL DO SOMETHING YOU'LL REGRET!"

Vincent opened his eyes, and saw a strange young lady above him, her chocolate brown eyes level with his.

"What the? Who are you, and get off me." Vincent growled, throwing the strange girl away without a second glance.

"Vi-Vincent?" she said, worried.

"You-You are Wutian! YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!" Vincent drew his Quicksilver

"I'm so sorry Vincent" She said and punched him, hard.

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Author's Note:

If you like Sham's Turk persona please tell me and I'll write a series about him, Vincent and the Turks of the olden days.


	7. Chapter 7: This does not match chapter

Something slightly Cloti, as they haven't featured much yet in this. please review on it about improvements etc.

Nope, don't own Final Fantasy.

A full list of pairings:

Yuffie-Vincent

Cid-Shera

Cloud-Tifa

Barret-Myrna (His wife who died in corral)

Reno-Whatever hot chick he can lay his hands on (And some he can't)

Elena-Tseng (Gradual, starts with Elena having a crush, builds up later.)

(Cait is still in love with the now deceased vending machine, much like Aeris and Cloud in AC(No, not Air Conditioning, Advent Children))

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Chapter 7: Don't annoy Martial Artists.

Main Characters: Tifa, Cloud, Cid, Shera.

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"I can't help anyone" Cloud moped as they proceeded to where some people were trapped under the wreckage of the Spaceship landing zone

_Tifa, you lovestruck fool, just chuck him out on his ass, goodness knows you could do with a rest from the moping. _Tifa thought as she followed Cloud, watching as he walked up the surface of the broken timber.

"Yo Cloud! Get over here and use that sword to cut some of this F&£& wreckage away, STAT! Hey, why is your sword so big anyway? Are you, like, overcompensating for your really really sma-" Cid said

"That's enough Cid" Tifa interrupted in a louder tone.

"I'm useless I can't help anyone, never mind that three months ago I kicked the ass of the strongest most evil Super-Villain in the universe and I have a super-sword, I can't help anyone" Cloud whined.

"Dilly-Dally Shilly-Shally" Tifa chided

"What? Now Tifa's gone crazy and I can't help anyone" Cloud Moped as he helped cut away the wreckage.

"DILLY-DALLY F&£&£ SHILLY-SHALLY!" Tifa yelled, trying to get it through Cloud's head.

_Why on Gaia did you fall for that whiney, depressive bloke, Tifa? And what's he complaining about he couldn't have done ANYTHING to save Aeris, and if he had tried, they would have both died, and then we wouldn't have Emo-Cloud, why-oh-WHY did I show him who he really was? _Tifa thought, she was prone to thinking everything, as all Cloud ever responded with was "I can't help anyone. Not my Family, Not my Friends, No-one"

"S&! Is he gonna be like this all F&££ DAY!" Cid yelled, as he helped the people out of the ruins.

"I F&£ BLAME YOU TIFA! IF YOU HADN'T SHOWN HIM WHO HE F& REALLY WAS WE'D STILL HAVE COOL CLOUD WHO THINKS HE'S ZACK BUT F NO! YOU COULDN'T STAND COOL CLOUD! YOU HAD TO GO AND MAKE HIM F£& EMO!" Cid yelled.

"More language like that, and I'll not give you this tea." Shera said stroking the Thermos.

"SHUDDUP WOMAN AND GIVE ME MY TEA!" Cid yelled, Shera "Accidently" dropped it, so it landed on Cloud's head with a CLANG!

"Oopsey." She said, stifling a giggle.

"If that hadn't knocked the F£ Emo unconscious, I'd kill ya right F£( NOW!" Cid Bellowed.

"I'm cool Cloud who's an Ex-SOLDIER and is awesome and can save everyone!" Cloud said before launching up the ramp to save everyone

"No you're not! We already went over this, that's _Zack, _ you're just a depressive who never made it into SOLDIER." Tifa said, and then realised what she had done. Cloud's face became downcast

"I can't help anyone." He said, then walked off

"WHERE THE F£S HE GOING!" Cid yelled, pulling the last hostage from the wreckage and surveying a job well done. They saw Cloud return, wearing a new suit

"Oh, great, he's wearing his Emoness suit" Tifa sighed

"His F& Emoness suit? What F&( Emoness suit?" ci said

"You know, his Advent Children one." Tifa said

"Oh." Cid responded

The wind blew the trees as he lit up a cigarette and smoked it halfway through, he dropped it.

"WHAT THE Fs ADVENT CHILDREN!" Cid yelled

"I... Don't... Know" Tifa said, straining to think of where she had heard "Advent Children" from.

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Author's Note

Thank-You for reviewing if you already have, if you haven't, please do.


	8. Chapter 8: Thank Leviathan I'm a Ninja

My attempt at a first person Yuffie Fanfic. please review on it about improvements etc.

Let me put it this way, if I owned Final Fantasy, I'd be publishing this story!

A full list of pairings:

Yuffie-Vincent

Cid-Shera

Cloud-Tifa

Barret-Myrna (His wife who died in corral)

Reno-Whatever hot chick he can lay his hands on (And some he can't)

Elena-Tseng (Gradual, starts with Elena having a crush, builds up later.)

(Cait is still in love with the now deceased vending machine, much like Aeris and Cloud in AC(No, not Air Conditioning, Advent Children))

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Chapter 8: Thank Leviathan I'm a NINJA!

Characters: Yuffie, Vincent, Lord Sham'raaa, Reeve,

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The explosion shook me off my feet, but I used my awesome-ninja prowess to quickly right myself. I backflip over a creature behind me, and push it into the water. One of the Soldiers runs up to me.

"Hehe, well well well, I likes a girl with spirit..." He said, I quickly karate chop him, Hyaah! Don't mess with queen of the Ninja's Yuffie Kisaragi! I am the greatest ninja ever!

"Oh, do you go down that quickly? Ha!" I yell before kicking him in the shins, three people come up to me...

"You, surrender to us!" one of them shouts, I snort

"Yeah right, see ya in hell!" I say before diving off the port. Using my awesome super-quick Ninja reflexes of awesomeness I quickly grab onto the side of the dock wall. They all ran up to the edge. Losers! I backflip and push two of them down into the lake, the third shrieks in terror and runs off, HA! Nobody messes with Yuffie Kisaragi, Single White Rose of Wutai, and Greatest Ninja in the universe! I grab my Shuriken from where I left it by the dock rails and throw it into the face of one of the creatures, BAM! I hit him square in the face, well, what did you expect? I AM the greatest ninja EVER!! I run over to it and take my Shuriken back, sending it in a curved arch and killing three more of the monsters, I quickly dive to the side of a blow from another one of the creatures. At times like this, I blame Cloud for Hiding all of MY MATERIA! I mean, sure, he says he PAYED for it, but he knows it's mine really, It's ALL MINE! Other people just stole it from me! I'm not a thief; I'm a fighter for a world with LESS THEFT! Go me!

I quickly pelt it with my Shuriken and grab the Shuriken on its arcing journey back to my hand, BIG MISTAKE, for some reason I latch onto it but it continues arcing, dragging me into the air with it, that creature will PAY! I carefully jump onto it's back, and smash it's eyes, it goes down, I escape, Simple. I quickly grab my Shuriken, this time it DOESN'T send me flying, I run over to where Vinnie was just shot, reach for my phone, and dial speeddial Work. Reeve's answering machine quickly times in:

"Hello, You've reached President Reeve of the W.R.O.'s office, I'm sorry I can't take your call now, plea- No Cait you can't do the answering machine voice! No, people DON'T like to listen to you! Now the- wait it's still recording, how do I turn this thing off, for that matter how do I reset the message? WHAT! It's not resettable! Dammit! What am I going to do with this as an answering message? I need a vacation, and we only formed the WRO three days ago... I'll just have to grab a new phone from somewhere."

Yuffie grinned at the memory, it had taken ages for her and Cait to think of the best way to annoy Reeve, and that was what they came up with.

"Reeve, quickly respond! BONE VILLAGE IS UNDER ATTACK! We need EVAC HELICOPTERS AND MED-CREWS RIGHT NOW! Vinnie's been SHOT!, you'd better already be dispatching those choppers NOW! Because people are already dying!! Wait Wha-"her message ended as something attacked her from behind...

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Author's note

Ok, yet another Cliffhanger ending sorry about that, please Review.


	9. Chapter 9: Rufus to the Rescue

Rufus is going to kick someone's today. please review on it about improvements etc.

Let me put it this way, if I owned Final Fantasy, I'd be publishing this story!

A full list of pairings:

Yuffie-Vincent

Cid-Shera

Cloud-Tifa

Barret-Myrna (His wife who died in corral)

Reno-Whatever hot chick he can lay his hands on (And some he can't)

Elena-Tseng (Gradual, starts with Elena having a crush, builds up later.)

(Cait is still in love with the now deceased vending machine, much like Aeris and Cloud in AC(No, not Air Conditioning, Advent Children))

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Chapter 9: Yeah, president of which multi-national evil organization? (AKA Rufus to the Rescue!)

Main Characters: Yuffie, Rufus, Vincent,

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Yuffie turned as a creature landed right next to her, she had only a limited amount of time to assess the situation, and what she came up with was this: _Giant creaturewithhugepointyteethandbreathesflameandmyshurikenisallthewayoverthereohshi- _Before the inevitable.

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Rufus Shinra, president of the Shinra corporation (Himself, 4 turks, and a pair of submarines they had hidden after the collapse.) jumped off the Helicopter, in a spinning mist of bullets, white coats, and magic. The creature screamed as a bullet landed in its eye, and, were it not for Rufus's quick reflexes, would have trodden on Vincent. Rufus slammed another magazine into his auto-shotgun and continued to pelt the creature with bullets. He had business to attend to here, but what was the harm in helping some old friends along the way? He dispatched two fire2 spells into the creature's hind scales, and quickly followed that by using his Teleport materia to summon Dark Nation, his special Guard Hound which he had had since he was a child, to his side. Dark Nation appeared right next to him and immediately cast a Barrier and Mbarrier spell on both of them. Rufus grinned as a magical attack dissipated once it hit his shield, and quickly discharged another cartridge into the creature's head. It began to topple over, and Rufus decided to help it on its way. He jumped into the driver's seat of a nearby car before parking it right behind the creature. The creature slipped on it like a giant roller skate and flew into a nearby building, as it got up, it saw a single human, with white-blond hair, and pure white clothes that were not in the least bit damaged, holding a Shotgun at its head. If it could pray, it would have done so now.

Rufus quickly dispatched the shells into the creature's mouth, and watched as its eyes closed, lifeless. He quickly placed his shotgun under his long coat, and carried the two unconscious "Heroes" to shelter. After putting them up in a small abandoned house, he ran towards a nearby building, and dove through a window, grabbed what he needed and ran off back to the helicopter

"I've recovered it" He said into his Microphone, and as the helicopter lowered itself, he jumped in and fasten his belt.

"Mission Success."

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Ok, so what was Rufus Shinra doing in Bone Village? Will we ever know? Sorry about yet another Cliff-hanger ending.


	10. Of towns, and bombs

I though I'd take a break from my latest Fanfic and My other two all together, so here is today's update for YUFFIE PLUS MATERIA EQUALS... DISASTER!!!!!

I do not own Final Fantasy.

A full list of pairings:

Yuffie-Vincent

Cid-Shera

Cloud-Tifa

Barret-Myrna (His wife who died in corral)

Cait Sith-Vending Machine (??)

Now, away we go. (This is in memory of my dog, Sheba, who passed away a couple of weeks back)

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Chapter 10: Of Towns, and bombs.

Main Characters: Vincent, Yuffie,

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Vincent awoke to the muffled sound of creaking metal, his eyes opened, he looked around for the source. Actually, he looked straight up into a large sharp protruding piece of metal about to fall on his face, but there's not much difference really.

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Rolling out of the way, he heard the THUD as the metal smashed the floor where his head had been moments before. Slicing through the barred street with his claw, he realised what had disturbed him about the town. The center, usually a hive of bustling miners and archeologists stood silent, no movement or sound. Vincent walked through the streets, wondering why everyone he began to care about seemed to leave him, in one way or another. Vincent knew that the thought was incredibly selfish, but he thought it anyway, knowing that if he stopped and realised the true carnage that was left in the town, he would surely kill himself there and then.

"'nd a monkey, 'n some matreeeera" a voice behind him slurred, unbuttoning his Death Penalty, he turned around to find the source, and saw a very familiar body lying under some rubble.

"Yuffie!" He exclaimed, the relief evident, even in the word's simplicity. Running over to see the stricken Ninja, he barely payed any heed to the faint ticking nearby. Lifting Yuffie bodily out of the wreckage, he started paying attention to his surrondings. He lay her on the paving slab nearby, and stripped her of her blood-soaked clothing. It was about that time that he realised that Yuffie had a bomb tied around her wrist.

"Oh shi-" He swore as the timer reached "00:00"...

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Ok, short chapter, but I only had about ten minutes.


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